If You Please

I know it is sometimes unavoidable, but pleasing is something that can make life miserable. I know. I am an expert. I grew up thinking I had to be the person my parents wanted me to be, rather than being who I really was. Therefore, I became a liar. I lied to please although it did not please me to lie. I hated it but couldn’t seem to shake it for fear of displeasing those whom I wanted to please. Having gay thoughts only reaffirmed my need for lying as I had been taught that being gay was the worst thing that could be foisted upon a loving family. Therefore, I continued to lie, even to myself. When I got married, I sincerely thought that I could overcome the desire for intimacy with males, but even in marriage I was trying to please — society, friends, my family — everyone but myself. My daughter labeled me as selfish, and that hurt badly. I was sacrificing my life to be what my family wanted me to be, and I was being called “selfish.” It seemed so unfair. Not until I was 54 years old did I stop pleasing and even then I did not choose to let go. It was pushed on me when my daughter chose to tell my parents that I was gay. Then all of the pleasing I had tried went for naught. All that anyone could see was that I had lied to them. Today, I am free from pleasing just to keep someone else happy. I confronted my barber recently who was dissing Barack Obama. I explained to the barber that Obama was my candidate of choice, and that I didn’t appreciate his derogatory remarks. He accepted my chastisement and backed off. Pleasing everyone for the sake of pleasing doesn’t work. It is counter-productive. There must be a balance between being civil and tactful and pleasing when it goes against your true self.